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Gibberishsport End of Season Football Review!

May 28, 2013

That was the year of 2013-2013 that was…

Hello! Good evening/morning/afternoon to you and welcome to my review of the year’s footballing achievements. I thought I’d do it ‘awards style’ with various achievements, some real, some silly, some bizarre. Sadly none of the award winners could be here tonight (Ferguson didn’t respond to my >9000 calls to his phone, can’t imagine why) but I’m sure they gratefully accept the prizes. There’s some obvious English bias but I tried to include some continental influence at the same time. Also what do you think of the above picture? I made it myself and it’s told me nothing over than that my photoshop skills need work. Leave a comment with your opinion! Anyway, on with the post!

Most Significant Retirement: Whilst on the whole it was a poor quality season there were vast numbers of players reitirng. Roll of honour in no particular order: Michael Ballack, Paul Scholes, Michael Owen, Jamie Carragher, the oft-forgotten CL winning manager Jupp Heyneckes, David Beckham and  Steve Harper. I’m sure I’ve forgotten some so please feel free to add to the list in the comments. Of course the most significant omission from that list is the winner of the award- Sir Alex Ferguson. I did a blog on him on his own here for your enjoyment and he really was a great man who will be sorely missed. His prize is, naturally, a pair of golden slippers, necessary for any retirement.

Best Signing:


Despite the impressive French Connection influx in January, none of Les Geordies made it in this category.

Where to start? In the Premiership Benteke, RVP and Berbatov were all fantastic value for money, whereas in Europe Mandzukic (who scored a goal for Bayern in the CL final) and Ibrahimovic were great signings in my opinion. However the prize goes to Michu, a £2 million signing who netted 22 goals for Swansea, as many as the £50 million Torres in half the number of games. A truly stunning signing and the prize is an umbrella so Michu can continue his adjusting to Welsh weather.

Worst Signing: Hot competition for this one. Borini was poor; Sinclair frequently didn’t make the bench at City; Adam Johnson was a waste of £10 million; but the prize is going to go jointly to every QPR signing of 2012-13 who conspired to ruin the careers of two managers as well as breaking the bank of the likable chairman Fernandes.

Best Player: In the Premiership Bale just shades out RVP for me thanks to his good form all season (we do not speak of Luis ‘the digester’ Suarez here). On a global level Neymar continued his wonderful progress and he and Messi are going to be a frightening combination next season when he moves there (as has been apparently agreed). Messi was on stunning form once again but because he is relatively less appreciated I give the award to Cristiano Ronaldo who is becoming even more influential for Madrid. Bale’s prize is of course a pair of trunks so he can practice his diving while Ronaldo wins counseling so he can try to recover from the shock of having actually beaten Messi in an individual competition.

Worst player: A few candidates for this one including the disappointing Adebayor, the out-of-fitness Maicon and the hapless Bosingwa but my personal pick is no doubt somewhat prejudiced: Cheik Tiote. He was a lesson in mediocrity for most of the season and his only notable feature was that he managed to reach double figures for yellow cards despite missing a month and a half of the season for the African Cup. Outrageous. His prize is a boot to kick himself with so he can regain his past form for next season.

The sending off in the derby was never going to help your case Cheik...

The sending off in the derby was never going to help your case Cheik…

Most Potential: Wilfried Zaha, Benteke, Raheem Sterling and Romelu Lukaku are notable mentions and will all almost certainly become great players but my personal pick is Mario Gotze. He’s not exactly a secret, moving to Bayern in a big money move this summer, but the 20 year old has a bright bright future ahead of him. If Football Manager is anything to judge by. The prize for wunderkind of the year is a lollipop and amnesty from sitting on the naughty step.

Best Match: The best match I saw was 7-3 Arsenal-Newcastle. I had to pass up tickets for the game just days before- one of the stupidest decisions of my life. Theo Walcott’s hat-trick was a joy to watch, especially his last goal. I didn’t even mind the defeat considering the way the match went back and forth so astoundingly before Arsenal put us to bed. The prize for this one is a pair of tickets to the return fixture as I’ll DEFINITELY have them.

Worst Match: Reading-QPR 0-0. Absolutely no contest whatsoever. The match that sent both teams down was phenomenally dreary. Sheer ineptitude that wins the players pillows and blankets to go to sleep on next time they play such a dull game.

Best Goal: Few contenders from the Premiership this season but the clear contest is between Ibrahimovic and Mexes’s outside-of-the-box overhead kicks ( I love the commentary on those by the way). My personal pick is Mexes‘ because he had to beat defenders and a goalkeeper and was only a central defender himself. Ibra was lucky that Hart picked that game to run around like a headless chicken. Mexes gets a crash mat so he can try that shot again..and again..and again… and never repeat it.

Unsung Hero of the Season:


He’s clearly shocked to receive such a high honour…

My winner of this one is Theo Walcott. Juan Mata and Carrick had great seasons but they’re now so talked about they don’t qualify for the award. Walcott accepted the mantle of van Persie and did a really good job, scoring some crucial goals and proving that he’s useful for more than just FIFA matches. Walcott wins himself a pat on the back, nothing too big for such an underwhelming prize.

Lie of the season: Alex Ferguson‘s leaving speech when he said his favourite moments were the late goals “even the ones that made us lose”. I don’t think he was such a successful manager over 26 years by being gracious. The prize is a large wooden nose.

Quote of the Season: Anything from Joey Barton‘s stunning interview in a French accent. Watch it here. It really is a gem and it wins Joey a beret.

Love affair of the year: Not a real competition this one but this cute picture of Dzeko and Lahm I found just made me want to crown them winners. The earn some flowers and a romantic meal…


Shh shh darling, the nasty defenders can’t tackle you here.

I thought I’d do a poll below for general ‘Man of the Season’ so remember to vote in that below. Judge it by success, significance or entertainment value, just whoever you think was the most memorable person involved in football this season.

So that’s it! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed the post. If you did I would really appreciate a like or a follow! Until the next time!


From → Other Gibberish

One Comment
  1. Great blog! I’m actually shocked at how much I agree with everything you said! Its almost like you read my mind… Keep up the good work!

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